Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
