just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
