I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
