It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
