My hand turned me down
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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