O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
