I can text with my tongue
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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