Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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