Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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