You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
