i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
