cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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