And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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