He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
