Apparently you make a good broom.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
