im having a threesome with these popsicles
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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