I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
