Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
