we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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