I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I will die if light touches me.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How's work?
Spinning.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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