ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
