Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
