I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
