I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
