I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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