Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I want her autograph on my taint
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
