He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Vodka?
Forever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
