Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I think I won the penis lottery.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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