I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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