she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
