i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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