i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
my poor anus
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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