i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So much rum. So many feels.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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