ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
