Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
