So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
