I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
