I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
