Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
