I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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