Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
