We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
