Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
