I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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