so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
