I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
