Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
