the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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