My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
