I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
