Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
